Reflections

There has been heaviness to this month, which I think is mostly tied to spending it so so far from Rob, my husband.  That weight is part of what has propelled me into the New Year with some very concrete goals.  My motivation is twofold; the first is to pay attention and reflect on the small and amazing workings in everyday life and the bigger picture.  I think there is so much significance to what God is going in and through me that I often miss because I don’t take the time to notice.  The second is to put myself there a little.  I love being the quiet one in the back of the room- especially when feeling vulnerable, but I think I am out growing that corner of the room and am ready to try a small act of bravery.  Now- let’s not get crazy- just having a blog feels like a step in that direction… But I plan on shaking things up a bit and telling people about it. 

I expect the execution of these goals will be messy, and that I will fall “off the wagon” at least a dozen times, while cursing up a storm.  But I also want- perhaps even need- to do these things.  There is a part of me that looks forward to struggling through the muck- the depression, the bitterness, the hopeless exhaustion and all the other barriers- while doing it.  Masochist?   Maybe…  But looking forward to the adventure.

The other side of the coin is that 2012 has been a BIG year.  In so so so many ways.  I can’t quite move into 2013 without paying proper tribute to what has been one of the most amazing and most difficult years so far. 

The highs for this year include:

1.       Lucy Dog!  A new addition to our family!

2.       Building an ottoman from a palette.

3.       An awesome road trip to Santa Barbara to celebrate Rob coming back from a month in Bahrain.

4.       Hosting a wedding at my house for very dear friends.

5.       Various Photo booths… I can never pass up a chance to make funny faces.

6.       Not feeling cheated at all over my birthday without Rob. I felt so tenderly loved in such small and simple ways.  So so blessed. 

7.       Butternut Squash.  43 of them from the garden!

8.       New and growing friendships from all sorts of large and small places.  Probably because of giving them squash...

9.       Dancing Gangnam Style in the kitchen with Rob in October. 

10.   Starting a book club without the faintest idea of what I’m doing.

11.   Countless trips to the dog park. 

There are so many more things I could include.  It was a fantastic experience to look back through old photos and remember the funny/sad/ridiculous/hysterical moments from this past year.  I shed so many tears, and have laughed a lot.  My cup truly over floweth.

I look forward to sharing goals and first steps this week!