Over the hump!

I have been giddy since the clock struck January because we are officially in the YEAR that my husband returns…  He still won’t be here for a good five months- but we are sooo much closer than we have ever been before.  For some reason though, with the advent of the New Year I have been getting a little crazy with homecoming planning.  Which is great fun, and not in and of itself a bad thing…..BUT…. If I don’t stop thinking like a sprinter instead of the marathon runner that I have to be right now(figuratively speaking of course), I run the risk of burn out. 

I started thinking about what my sprinter behaviors have been lately.  Most recently, I reorganized my craft room thinking “well, that will look nice for when Rob comes home…”  And then I woke up.  I trash that room working on a craft, rearrange that furniture, spill my wine, move the furniture back within inches of where I had it before, and then trash it with an entirely new impulsive project that also won’t be cleaned up right away on an almost biweekly basis.  No, that room will not still look so nice when Rob gets home… I'm not fooling anyone.

I have also been spending a lot of mental energy on dreaming about the homecoming and what our "new normals" are going to look like come this summer.  .  This has been great fun- seriously- I have like twenty different bucket lists going.  I think this is also something runners do when the finish line is upon them- they just hone in on getting to the end and nothing else matters.  But, my end is still half a year away... There is no luxury of white-knuckling my way to the end.  I wouldn't make it.

My red light indicator on this one was the Project Life kit arriving in the mail.  I realized that I didn't really have many pictures to add to the album- you can only take so many pictures of dogs and coffee...  Its not that I don't do anything, and am totally mindless.  In fact, I have twenty five thousand words to say, for instance, about my visions of fighting with Rob over elbow room while our brushing teeth (yeah- we really do that...), or forcing him into mirroring my enthusiasm for tomato basil mozzarella sandwiches since they are my new favorite thing.   Those dreams are wonderful, and fun to think about, and lead to intentional and fruitful planning , but when I went to put them on paper to add to the album, I started to feel a little sour.  And a little sad.   

For me, when I don't have a great balance between the dreaming and planning verses the being in the here and now, I tend to start feeling bitter and resentful.  Like I am waiting for life to start.  I have lot richness in my life. Right here. Right now. Not just in life to come post deployment.  There are probably a thousand cliché’s I could use to say what I suppose is the essence of this post, but I think the take away  for me is that I need to get comfy, cause I am going to be doing this for a long while longer. Might as well enjoy the ride.

And latching onto that is what allows me not to miss the beauty of what God is doing TODAY.  It gives me a chance to step into something- to do something with where I am and how I am feeling.  I can reflect and engage in what I am learning about marriage, the Lord, suffering, therapy, friendship, community, beauty and a slew of other things.  Rather than just dream up plans that probably won’t go how I’m expecting in the first place.  What a gift.  I am so thankful for that invitation.