Progress Report

I am in disbelief that February is over a third of the way through.  And thankful.   Thankful for crafts. Thankful for farmers markets. Thankful for laughter.  Thankful it is over.   The past six weeks have been a mixed bag of joy and difficulty and I quite alright with moving forward into what I HOPE will be a quieter month. 

And what better way to start than to reflect on the goals I so enthusiastically laid out six weeks ago.  

1.        Reading the bible in a year:  In short, I have technically not been doing this.  However, I have had some of the most intimate devotional time I have ever experienced.  Things just haven’t been quite as structured as I had originally planned, but what I am doing is working well.  In some ways, I prefer this result.   It has left room for me to be sensitive to The Spirit and open to what I need in my day to day.  Not that there is no room for improvement- I can think of twenty things I could do to make it better- but that’s not the point. The point was to get into the word. And I have.

2.       Paleo Challenge: Epic failure- but by choice…… I know. This is starting to sound sort of funny, but if you know me I don’t think you’ll be surprised.  I tend to start projects with two fold- with lots of enthusiasm and unrealistic expectations.  My mental health required that I give myself some grace on this one.  However, I have gone to the farmer’s market every week save one, eaten more organic foods than ever before, and consequently have lost a little Christmas pudge because of making some better choices.  Again, I am pleased with how things are going, and enjoying my shopping/eating patterns.

3.       Working Out:  Going well. Not perfect, and some long dog walks do count because I just decided that they do, but I am happy with how I feel and the routine I have going.  On the flip side of this is utter embarrassment at my lack of strength… I had no idea how weak I was…

4.       Blogging:  Still loving it. I didn’t know how hard it would be to focus ideas.  Because I don’t have a super specific focus I find it difficult to decide upon content.  I spend a lot of time dreaming about different posts, but struggle with nailing one down.  But I look forward to figuring out what exactly I would like this hobby to look like.

5.       Project Life:  Perhaps my new favorite thing. It looks AMAZING, and is so much fun to create the layouts.  If you aren’t familiar, you should be. It just an awesome way to chronicle the day to day in a very meaningful and beautifully normal way. 

6.       Monthly Adventures:  Rained out!  I know you are thinking I’m lying- because of course, I live in San Diego, but really- it was rained out.  Julian in the rain does not a fun day make- even with pie. Wishing myself (and planning the logistics) better luck this February.

So there you have it.  Perfection was never the point.   I am so pleased at my intentionality in working at and taking on challenges that I knew were good for me.  And I look forward sharing even more of that here in the coming weeks!   

In plain sight

 

Here are some of the small and large things that have made up this ever so normal week. 

 

 

The cutest dog you ever did see.

 

Happy Shadow Dance
 

 

Quiet time

 

 

The happiest of happy hours

 

 

View from the dog park.  AMAZING.

 

 

Goodnight San Diego

 

Over the hump!

I have been giddy since the clock struck January because we are officially in the YEAR that my husband returns…  He still won’t be here for a good five months- but we are sooo much closer than we have ever been before.  For some reason though, with the advent of the New Year I have been getting a little crazy with homecoming planning.  Which is great fun, and not in and of itself a bad thing…..BUT…. If I don’t stop thinking like a sprinter instead of the marathon runner that I have to be right now(figuratively speaking of course), I run the risk of burn out. 

I started thinking about what my sprinter behaviors have been lately.  Most recently, I reorganized my craft room thinking “well, that will look nice for when Rob comes home…”  And then I woke up.  I trash that room working on a craft, rearrange that furniture, spill my wine, move the furniture back within inches of where I had it before, and then trash it with an entirely new impulsive project that also won’t be cleaned up right away on an almost biweekly basis.  No, that room will not still look so nice when Rob gets home… I'm not fooling anyone.

I have also been spending a lot of mental energy on dreaming about the homecoming and what our "new normals" are going to look like come this summer.  .  This has been great fun- seriously- I have like twenty different bucket lists going.  I think this is also something runners do when the finish line is upon them- they just hone in on getting to the end and nothing else matters.  But, my end is still half a year away... There is no luxury of white-knuckling my way to the end.  I wouldn't make it.

My red light indicator on this one was the Project Life kit arriving in the mail.  I realized that I didn't really have many pictures to add to the album- you can only take so many pictures of dogs and coffee...  Its not that I don't do anything, and am totally mindless.  In fact, I have twenty five thousand words to say, for instance, about my visions of fighting with Rob over elbow room while our brushing teeth (yeah- we really do that...), or forcing him into mirroring my enthusiasm for tomato basil mozzarella sandwiches since they are my new favorite thing.   Those dreams are wonderful, and fun to think about, and lead to intentional and fruitful planning , but when I went to put them on paper to add to the album, I started to feel a little sour.  And a little sad.   

For me, when I don't have a great balance between the dreaming and planning verses the being in the here and now, I tend to start feeling bitter and resentful.  Like I am waiting for life to start.  I have lot richness in my life. Right here. Right now. Not just in life to come post deployment.  There are probably a thousand cliché’s I could use to say what I suppose is the essence of this post, but I think the take away  for me is that I need to get comfy, cause I am going to be doing this for a long while longer. Might as well enjoy the ride.

And latching onto that is what allows me not to miss the beauty of what God is doing TODAY.  It gives me a chance to step into something- to do something with where I am and how I am feeling.  I can reflect and engage in what I am learning about marriage, the Lord, suffering, therapy, friendship, community, beauty and a slew of other things.  Rather than just dream up plans that probably won’t go how I’m expecting in the first place.  What a gift.  I am so thankful for that invitation.

A week in ReView

I have zero to lament about this week.  It was quiet, fun, reflective and productive.  Exactly what the doctor ordered.  Here is my form of accountability…. An update on my goals so far this month. 

My own personal Paleo challenge has been going well.  I am still eating dairy, and I had a hardcider this week at happy hour with friends (without a shred of guilt), butother than that it has been going great. I feel awesome.  It’s refreshingto tell yourself no sometimes, especially after a season of indulgence.  I’ve gone Paleo before, and loved it.  It doesn’t feel super restrictive, and rightaway your body just feels healthier.  Itgets me back in the habit of filling up on the food my body needs. 

My new favorite breakfast is from Tina on the Carrots N’Cake blog.  It is one egg, one or two eggwhites, a banana, cinnamon, and vanilla whipped up in a batch of scrambledeggs. It is so delicious that I have gotten out of bed early enough to make itbefore going to work- so that should tell you something. 

My workouts this week have been pretty pathetic, buts it’sbeen enough to make me sore and there were more than three of them, so I amcounting it as a success.  I got in sixmile walks with dear friends both yesterday and today that were pretty muchperfect in every way. I think I could walk to the moon and back if I did itwith a good friend. 

As far as blogging goes, I haven’t really figured out howoften or what this is really going to look like for me.  I have been brainstorming a bit to figure outsome regular topics and give this some direction, but I don’t have anythingconcrete just yet.  I know I have enjoyedthe writing, and the sharing, so, so far so good is all I can say.

Project Life has yet to begun.  I am holding out for the Seafoam Kit, which issupposed to become available for purchase on Amazon next week.  I have noted some things to journal aboutfrom this week. I also started the somewhat awkward process of photographingthings on a regular basis.  That is goingto take some getting used to. I have no photography skills. None.   And I’m not what I would call organicallycreative.  I need something to copy fromto get an idea of what I want to do.  So,I need to look up some inspiration, and usher in the process of trial anderror.  Once I have the binder and thesupplies in front of me, I think I might feel better about what I’m doing.  In the mean time, I will just take picturesof the dogs.  And my morning coffee.  Every day. Multiple times a day.

Here are some examples. J

My favorite part of every morning.

My favorite part of most evenings.

The never ending blanket.

Happiest place on earth.  The dog park.

Goodbye Christmas. I can't wait to unpack you next year with Rob.

Les Miserables: Inspiring

I don’t know if you’ve seen Les Miserables yet, but if you haven’t it is time to get off the computer and go to the theater.  The movie is amazing. The music is raw and beautiful.  The story is so many things, but mostly I found it inspirational.  It was the story of a ripple effect.  One priest demonstrates love and it changes the life of one man who consequently changes the lives of so many others. 

Relationships fascinate me.  They really do.  They are so intricate and complicated and powerful.  And I think this is a given. After all, that very basic story line of cause and effect between two people didn't resonate with everyone, the story wouldn't be so powerful.  But just because people know that relationships are so powerful, doesn't necessarily make us great relationship caretakers.  So much damage happens in the context of relationships.  We inflict the deepest wounds and are vessels of the greatest sort of healing.  They're pretty much as messy as they are important.  But they are also so much more than that.   

When there are so many little and big stressors and a million things that need to get done it is easy to be consumed by our day-to-day.  I am so guilty of this- and I am a master at justifying my lack of thoughtfulness…  But that is exactly what causes me to forget what it’s all for.  I don't remember to see everyone as the Lord sees them.  Or that "to love another person is to see the face of God' (a line in one of the songs). Or if I am thinking about those things-it only pertains to the relations that I find easy or gratifying.   

There is a beautiful scene at the end of the film where a host of saints is encouraging others along to “fight the fight.”  But the fight was only important because God.  It was God’s love that saved, redeemed, and transformed.  Real life in the film was hard- people were broken and even with strong faiths they suffered- but they pressed on with something greater in mind.  That ultimate purpose was what it was all about- it gave everything else meaning.    

I don’t know about you- but I lose sight of why I’m doing what I’m doing all the time… Why I’m making a nice dinner, why I started a project, why I signed up for this or that, etc.  And those are the small things..  Which is why I found that message soooooo  inspiring.  It lends meaning to everything and draws out what is really important.  Without thinking about it I have felt myself inviting that perspective into more and more life.  I plan to do a follow up post about my reaction to this so for now, let’s just say that my tender heart has been a bit achier, but feels great.

                                                                                    

Goals Goals Goals

Goals Goals Goals.  I am excited!  Are you??? Here they are…

1.       Reading the bible in a year.  I have attempted this in the past, but have never been successful.  In the interest of full disclosure, I started about a week early so I could build in some margin… I know eventually I’ll need it.  If I don’t consciously hit the reset button, I know I will continue on autopilot as long as I can.  Godly character doesn’t just happen.

 

2.       For the month of January I would like to take on a Paleo challenge of sorts… If you haven’t heard of the Paleo diet, there are tons of fantastic resources out there, so I’m not even going to bother trying to explain it.  I have given myself a lot of grace when it comes to my eating habits with my husband gone, and it is time to get back on track and take better care of my body. This way of eating is pretty much about eating protein and veggies for the bulk of one’s diet and counting everything else as extra.  I always feel so much better when following this guideline. The difference in feeling is immediate, and that subsequent trimming down isn’t bad either. For me, the point is really to let food be for nutrition, and let other more lasting things fill the spaces where I am looking for comfort, distraction, love or rest.   After January I will loosen up a bit and try and teach myself the discipline of moderation- which for me is the most difficult part…  February should be interesting…

3.       In the same spirit, I am committing to three serious workouts a week.  Walking the dogs (something I do pretty regularly) not included.  Again, the motivation here is really about self care- something I tend to overlook.  I don’t want to be a crazy obsessed fitness buff- but I do want to nurture my body in small and steady ways.

 

4.       Blogging! I want to give this three months at least to see what I think about it.  So far- 3 days in- I am hooked.  Putting thoughts and feelings on paper and giving them some solid direction is cathartic and freeing and just fun.  I am sure there will be days where I feel quite the opposite, but I figure by three months in I ought to have a more solid take on how this fits into my life. 

 

5.       Project life!  Total newbie here...  I have no clue what I’m in for- but- I know that I need a way to systematically document life.  I am horrible at taking photos, and I have a horrible memory.  Not a good combination for remembering some of the amazing curve balls, mile stones, and simple blessings along the way...     

 

6.       Monthly adventures!  I need to think about this one a little bit more… But there are so many crazy things that I want to do, and I just tend to decide to pass it up. I want to say yes to some of them and see what comes from it.  Some of them are simple and service focused, and others are challenges that I ordinarily would be embarrassed to try- but- have a feeling I would love once I got over my embarrassment.

So there you have it.  Nothing terribly crazy...  Plenty that I’m sure won’t work out the way I am expecting, but even just committing outwardly to the challenge in order to see what comes feels like a step in a great direction.  I am hopeful and prayerful about what is to come this year- and am quite serious about structuring a life where I don’t miss what is going on around me.   Hurrah for 2013!!!

Reflections

There has been heaviness to this month, which I think is mostly tied to spending it so so far from Rob, my husband.  That weight is part of what has propelled me into the New Year with some very concrete goals.  My motivation is twofold; the first is to pay attention and reflect on the small and amazing workings in everyday life and the bigger picture.  I think there is so much significance to what God is going in and through me that I often miss because I don’t take the time to notice.  The second is to put myself there a little.  I love being the quiet one in the back of the room- especially when feeling vulnerable, but I think I am out growing that corner of the room and am ready to try a small act of bravery.  Now- let’s not get crazy- just having a blog feels like a step in that direction… But I plan on shaking things up a bit and telling people about it. 

I expect the execution of these goals will be messy, and that I will fall “off the wagon” at least a dozen times, while cursing up a storm.  But I also want- perhaps even need- to do these things.  There is a part of me that looks forward to struggling through the muck- the depression, the bitterness, the hopeless exhaustion and all the other barriers- while doing it.  Masochist?   Maybe…  But looking forward to the adventure.

The other side of the coin is that 2012 has been a BIG year.  In so so so many ways.  I can’t quite move into 2013 without paying proper tribute to what has been one of the most amazing and most difficult years so far. 

The highs for this year include:

1.       Lucy Dog!  A new addition to our family!

2.       Building an ottoman from a palette.

3.       An awesome road trip to Santa Barbara to celebrate Rob coming back from a month in Bahrain.

4.       Hosting a wedding at my house for very dear friends.

5.       Various Photo booths… I can never pass up a chance to make funny faces.

6.       Not feeling cheated at all over my birthday without Rob. I felt so tenderly loved in such small and simple ways.  So so blessed. 

7.       Butternut Squash.  43 of them from the garden!

8.       New and growing friendships from all sorts of large and small places.  Probably because of giving them squash...

9.       Dancing Gangnam Style in the kitchen with Rob in October. 

10.   Starting a book club without the faintest idea of what I’m doing.

11.   Countless trips to the dog park. 

There are so many more things I could include.  It was a fantastic experience to look back through old photos and remember the funny/sad/ridiculous/hysterical moments from this past year.  I shed so many tears, and have laughed a lot.  My cup truly over floweth.

I look forward to sharing goals and first steps this week!